There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
