I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
