There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
