Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
