Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
