I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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