Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
