U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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