come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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