I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
