i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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