who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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