Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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