Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just had sex bonerless
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
