the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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