yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
