when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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