Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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