U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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