Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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