i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
