I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
