well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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