Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
