In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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