His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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