Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
