It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
