If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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