You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
