apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
