just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
