I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
