oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
