awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
