im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
