Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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