About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
