I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
