i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
