Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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