the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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