jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
