Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
