you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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