Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
