you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
