I hate your face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
