somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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