i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize