i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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