i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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