:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
