Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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