You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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