You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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