My liver just broke up with me...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
