Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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