Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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