so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
