I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
