And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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