And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
