I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
