I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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