Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
