I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
