my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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